Rebecca;;Writes.

My heart is heavy and I have “ants” in my legs.

Does anyone know why any of this matters?

I’ve seen that look before. Don’t think about it, just keep busy.

“Have you ever seen something as sad as this?”

“Yeah. The night you told me you loved me, sweetie”.

So, I stopped writing on this Tumblr because people started pissing me off. But I’ve come to realize that I can write what I want, when I want, and where I want. Took me a while to come to this.. And yes, I’m keeping my other Tumblr, but I’m no longer censoring this one.

If I write something you don’t like, don’t follow my Tumblr. I promise I won’t come after you in your sleep if you choose to do so.

So here we go.

I’ve wished for the same thing every single day/night for years.

I think I’ve lost faith in wishing. “Wishing” is code for “never going to happen, kid”.

No, I’m not depressed; just being punched with a fist full of reality, but I think I’m okay.

Excuse me while I give in to my ceaseless mind and pour my thoughts out to anyone willing to read what I have to say at 4:30 in the morning, while I myself (and most likely you, too) should be sleeping… but of course, that isn’t in my near future seeing as how sleep doesn’t seem to want me— but that’s another story. This post is about love.

We see hundreds of people everyday, and though we do not fall in love with each person, we very well could. Which is not to say we possess such fickle hearts, but that we instead reject those other souls in search of something, if only on a subconscious level. Some would say we seek another half, but how can a soul be halved? How can an individual be “incomplete”? We are not incomplete. We are ourselves, fully and independently complete. Although we sometimes seem to not notice, our minds are constantly analyzing. We are off put by people for reasons we cannot understand. We are attracted to people, and do not always understand why or how.

In the convergence of two whole souls, there is love. I do not believe in “soul mates”. I’m going to use my parents to support my belief against having a soul mate.. I do not believe the love my parents have for one another is special because they were destined to be together, I believe it is special because out of the innumerable other options, they chose/choose to share each other. Those are just my thoughts though.. Who am I to say what love is?

But wait.. after re-reading everything I just wrote, I have realized this isn’t so much a thought process about love, but rather about destiny. It’s a debate on what exactly destiny is, and presents the question, “do we have control over it?” ..If I am deciding to love, to open my heart to the concept of choosing to bond with someone over all my other so-called “options”, does this mean that I have now chosen my fate, or does it mean that every single moment in my life has driven me to make the decision with my own free will..?

And this is where I stop and wonder how these frequent sleepless nights turn into lengthy philosophical Tumblr posts.

Goodnight, xoxo.

-inspired:

Man Lives on cliff and talks down suicide jumpers for last 50 years

Meet the Australian Who’s Saved 160 People from Suicide

Don Ritchie lives across the street from the most famous suicide spot in Australia: A cliff known as “The Gap.” Most people would move, but Ritchie’s stayed for almost 50 years—saving an estimated 160 people from suicide.
So what’s his big secret? Ritchie wakes up every morning and looks out the window for “anyone standing alone too close to the precipice.” If he sees someone who looks like they might be contemplating a jump, he walks over and… strikes up a conversation.
He just gives them a warm smile, asks if they’d like to talk and invites them back to his house for tea. Sometimes, they join him.
“I’m offering them an alternative, really,” Ritchie says. “I always act in a friendly manner. I smile.”
Ritchie’s house might be the worst real estate ever. One person a week commits suicide at the “the Gap,” the cliff he lives across from. It’s protected only by a small, one-meter fence, despite its legendary reputation as a suicide spot dating back to the 1800s.
But the former life insurance salesman says he doesn’t feel “burdened” by the fact that people are always contemplating jumping to their deaths outside his house. In fact, he and his wife Moya see it as a blessing: “I think, ‘Isn’t it wonderful that we live here and we can help people?’”
Ritchie, who basically sounds like the nicest guy in the entire world, is 84, and has spent much of the last year battling cancer. But, as you might expect for a dude who’s managed to live across from a fucked-up, tragic place, and not become a casualty himself, he’s optimistic: “I imagine somebody else will come along and do what I’ve been doing.” I hope so.

(via jennaanne01)

Maybe I’m just dreaming out loud. Maybe there is a reason we met in New York, only saw each other for a week, and have spoken to each other every day for five years now. Maybe we’ll end up getting married and this will quite possibly be the best love story anyone has ever heard and everyone will be jealous. Or maybe I’m just dreaming out loud.

1, 2, 3.

“ Still a large amount of the population believes the world will end December 2012, because when things happen that people don’t understand, they immediately attach themselves to the craziest fucking thing possible.

— Philip DeFranco

(Source: jennaanne01)

“I’ll always run away from every problem or severed relationship cause that’s who I am.”

It’s good to have you back. I can finally relax.

I’m not going to let this get to me like it has before. All that’s been said means nothing anymore.

Tumblr, you have betrayed me. Goodbye.

make-believe(n)- the action of pretending or imagining, typically that things are better than they really are.

Yeah I’m scared of death, and I’m scared of living. I gave up on the past ‘cause it’s unforgiving. http://twitpic.com/1mb124

“When you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through.” -Dear John, Nicholas Sparks

I hate when people talk about religion, but I really hate when people talk down about others’ religions. I don’t see anything wrong with your God, his God, her God, or my God.

Personally, I don’t consider myself to be Christian, Jewish, Morman, Agnostic, etc. I simply classify myself as “a follower of God”. Why? I’m still a little confused and overwhelmed by religion and it all. I feel like I have my own views on religion and God that don’t necessarily fit into any one religion, and I’m fine with that. I think that’s how it should be. I don’t think anyone should feel like they have to fit into any one religion, or have none at all. You can have your own set standards and beliefs and not have to classify yourself as a Christian, a Jew, etc.. You can have your OWN religion.

I just know there’s something, someone, out there who helps me through little things everyday.
He/She/It helps me not judge others so quickly.
He/She/It isn’t racist, against anyone’s sexuality, or narrow-minded in any way.
He/She/It doesn’t believe in discrimination.
He/She/It helps me help others and doesn’t put others beliefs down.
He/She/It believes you can believe what you believe, and I can believe what I believe.

I am young, and could be a little more educated in/about religion, and I know that. But I choose to believe that we don’t all have to believe in the same thing. I’m not against your religion, or lack there of, so why do you have to be so hostile towards mine?
You can deny my God and my religion, his God and his religion, her God and her religion, or their God and their religion, but does it get you anywhere?
I just don’t see why religion has to be such a big deal.

I’m not trying to fight with anyone here, or say anyone’s beliefs are right or wrong, cause that’s just not how it works. Freedom of speech is one thing, but it only goes so far. You can say what you want to say, because you have the right to freedom of speech. Everyone else also has the right to freedom of speech, and will have something to say about anything you have to say. It’s a difficult topic. Just be prepared to have someone tell their views.

So, with that said, feel free to comment on this post.. Or not. I will be as open-minded about your religion and beliefs as you allow me to be.

“my religion is love. my religion is knowledge. my religion is insight.” -@ChanceMichael

“Love is tolerance. Love is having faith in other people, even if you don’t have the same beliefs as them. Love is not being judgemental.” -@Aylerz

“This isn’t about who’s faith is “a mask” or who’s “blind.” Faith is a gray area.” -@Aylerz